Today

Gentle, good, kind, in control, faithful and patient. 

Was I any of these today?  Last night I did not sleep well.  I had a sleep study last week and will get my results in three days.  If its positive, then I havent' slept well in over two decades.  I am tired.  I am tired before bed, I am tired when I wake during the night, and I am tired in the morning and all day.  Today, my tiredness happened to present itself as a yelling, grouchy mommy and wife. 

And I'm trying to be better, I really am.  I am working through Colossians with GMG, reading about faith, love and hope.  I spent the past seven evenings working through the rosary and memorizing my Hail Marys before bed.  I am working through my 31 days of prayer for my husband and children.  And each day I remind my kids how they are striving to be gentle, good, kind, faithful, patient and in control.  But when I am tired, its hard to be any of these.  Its great to read and believe, but am I living the life God intends me to live?  Am I living a godly life?

Luckily, I have a patient husband and children who love me, and they choose to see beyond my human-ness and forgive me each time I don't act in kindness or I am impatient.  Do I remember to forgive them everyday for their imperfections?  I have to admit that its easier to forgive the kids than it is to forgive my husband, and I need to examine why that is.  If I say I forgive him, then his sins should not come to the forefront each time I am tired or disappointed or angry.  If I truly forgive others, then I need to drop it, let it go.  Sometimes that might mean forgiving myself for an off day, which are many because again, I am only human.