As this year seems to have slipped between my fingers, I'm afraid that if I don't post before the New Year, I might miss the opportunity. How many other opportunities have I missed by not acting on them right away? Maybe that's a post for next year!
How do I know that I am loved? I am loved because my mother gave birth to me at 40, even though her doctor said she should not. She and my dad decided that I was worth taking a chance on. And I am so happy that they did! I was their last baby, and they were so good to me-I know I was loved. My childhood certainly wasn't one of fairytales, but those lessons taught me great things about the adult I would not become, but I definitely knew I was loved. I had good shoes, nice clothes and so many toys! I had my own room and matching bedding! I remember the weekend my mom and I spent wall papering my bedroom when I was nine, I wanted a blue bedding set and the old wall paper did not match. What a trial that was! I've NEVER wall papered again and its been 30 years!
I know my husband loves me, as he tells me daily! He works so hard so that I can be home with our children as much as possible. He arranges date nights and vacations and lunches out so that we can steal "date" moments together, just like when we first met. He holds my hand while we watch cooking shows or Sister Wives or Duck Dynasty together! He reaches for my hand in his sleep when he rolls over.
I know my children love me by their sloppy, snotty kisses and sticky hands! They tell me they love me before bed each night and thank God for me in their prayers. They look into my eyes when I am teaching them, trusting that my words are honest and good. They come to me to help them solve their problems when their solutions aren't working, and accept contructive criticism and guidance when their choices aren't the best for them at that time. They trust that I trust that they know how to use the tools in their toolbox, and that they are doing their best. When they get hurt, they run to me, they know a mommy kiss or hug will help more than a band aid could. When they are hurting inside, they come to me and know I am their soft place to land. They trust that I am doing my work so that I can be the best mommy for them.
I know God loves me, he gave me this amazing family didn't he? When I wanted two children, he whispered for me to wait, that he had much grander plans for me! Imagine the love I might have missed had I gotten exactly what I wanted?
Am I sharing and giving and receiving love as well as I could be? Do I teach my children healthy ways to love their kids, spouses, family and friends? Do I model good, kind, gentle, faithful, patient and self-control when I love? Do I remember to praise God and live with gratitude while experiencing joy? Do I do this at least once a day? Do my children and husband know exactly how much I love them and am grateful for them? Do I tell each of them that I love them each day that I can? Do they feel it?
Do I share love with my friends and strangers? Do I appear to be in love with life, from the outside? Without using words, would someone know how joyful and thankful I am each moment? Do I truly feel that way? Am I able to see the gifts in the lessons? Can I see God's grace when times are hard? Do I remember to ask myself, what do I need to learn from this?
Am I a good marriage ambassador to my friends, both married and unmarried? Nobody said marriage would be easy, that was not in our vows. Am I committing time and faithfulness to my marriage every day? Have I QTIP (quit taking it personally) when I am wronged either with intent or not? Or do I choose to make it personal and harbor resentment? Do I let those negative feelings fester and grow or do I hand it over to God to handle? God will forgive, time will forget, now can I reframe this lesson into a gift? What can I learn from this?
What a year. Its been the hardest year marriage-wise. The easiest for parenting. The easiest for grieving my lost parents. About the same financially. But the past five months have been incredible when I consider how much I have grown, and its made me so much more joyful and thankful. I am ready to experience God's grace and true joy, and I am ready and willing to share that with my children and spouse. If I don't teach my children Christian values, if I don't model a godly life, then who will?
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