Today-6 months

Today.  Six months ago today, on a Monday, my husband and I separated, he was removed from our home by police and charged with assault.

I finally fell asleep at 4am and woke around 10am.  I do not have to feel guilty for taking downtime when the kids are with their dad.  I can make that choice.  It allows me to rest and replenish and just "be", so that I can get into mom mode when they come back in two days.  I can do this.  I can allow myself to do this.

I offered to pick up N today after school so that xh didn't have to drag 4 kids back over here.  I had nothing planned, so I offered.  I knew I would finally see xh's new house.  And I knew it would hurt.  But I wanted to see the kids, surprise N, and it was worth the hurt.  It made me grow just a bit more.  Xh was baking muffins and the kids were playing playdoh, he had chicken and fries in the oven. The house is gorgeous, so much space and so beautiful.  I can't help but think that it would be the perfect house that the seven of us would be in had we moved here one year ago.

So I took the time to grieve that just a little bit.  And I felt better.  And now I am okay with it.

I surprised Nolan at school, took him to Tim Horton's for a drink and donuts for the kids, I got to see xh's new house, saw my kids are well taken care of, saw Joey's new big boy bed (!), saw how proud that my kids and ex were to see their new house, and I left with two chocolate muffins.  It hurt a little, but I was happy, too and I grew a little bit.  It was a good day, after all:)