8 weeks today!

Merry Christmas baby bean!
We stayed home, and had a nice Christmas by ourselves, it was far from quiet, of course:)  The kids got spoiled, and we loved it!

My new dishwasher came today, but the boys broke two important wires during install, so now I have NO dishwasher, instead of a bad one.  Hopefully the new one might be here by Friday, fingers crossed.

I wasn't feeling well yesterday, a low grade fever, achy--flu like symptoms.  Took some tylenol, and had the best sleep I've had in a week.  Today no fever.  No cramping or spotting or anything.  Of course we're afraid its something, and we're just praying each day that we hang in there until the 5th. 

My sister Helen came to visit with her family yesterday.  Nolan took her hand and took her upstairs to his room, saying "shhhh, I have a secret surprise to show you, auntie."  He opened his top drawer, where he had put the one sleeper we own for peanut, he and I had cleaned out a drawer to put that in last week.  He whispered "that's for my little baby!". 

So cute!  I pray we didn't do the wrong thing by telling him about the baby in my tummy, in case we lose it:(  We just want so much for everything to go right, and we want to celebrate this little life, how could we not?  My family will love this baby as long as we have it, be it one more week, or 80 more years.  I hate how fear is preventing me from loving my peanut 110%. 

I truly want to believe that this pg will end in August, with a planned c/s, but in reality, I know I could go in next week and see no hb.  We've been there before.  But I look at Nolan, my rainbow baby, and I know that miracles do happen, and I can have a term baby.  I look at my 3 other miracles, who found us when we all needed each other the most.  And look at baby peanut, my 5th miracle, wow.  There is always hope.  I cannot let fear reign over me and this pregnancy.  I am not in control and I just need to trust in the process.  Life always wants to find a way, I need to just let that happen.

I am still pg today!